My girlfriend of a year dumped me and insisted on having breakup sex. Flash-forward a couple weeks, and something in my pants starts burning, but not in a good, tingly way. I go to the doctor and test positive for chlamydia. No question I got it from my ex. After I confronted her over text, her reply included, “Whoops. Surprise!” I think she intentionally had breakup sex with me just to give me something she got while planning a long exit from our relationship. If I wanted to, could I sue her? Is what she did illegal?
First thing’s first: Is breakup sex a real thing? Has anyone actually spotted real breakup sex in the wild? If it’s not a complete cultural myth, is it bittersweet but wistful, with a trembling tear rolling down your cheek as you convulse in orgasmic spasms, followed by angry spooning? Or do you just take turns gently whispering things you find irritating about each other as you grind away, alternating between tender caresses and spiteful scratches?
Or is breakup sex just an STI delivery system for a scheming soon-to-be-ex-partner?
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Illustration by Tara Jacoby.