Hi, families! Your kid’s teacher, here.
Just wanted to give you all a heads-up that we’ve noticed a number of sick kids at school this week.
Symptoms appear to be related to a cold (including cough, stuffy nose, fever, and exhaustion), the flu (all the cold symptoms but take them up a notch), ebola (all the cold and flu symptoms but taken them up a few more notches, eye bleeding), or extreme whininess (none of cold, flu, or ebola symptoms in a physical sense, but that’s what it feels like to be around mentally).
If your kid isn’t currently sick, you can be sure that all of these symptoms will breach your house and destroy your entire family within 24 hours. You will then become infected yourself and be blamed for making your entire workplace sick, because as everyone knows that (i) Typhoid Mary had nothing on toddlers, and (ii) you have a toddler mostly because people with toddlers don’t shut up about having toddlers. By the end of the week, your personal life and career will be in shambles.
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